Blogs suck. Everyone has them, they are rarely funny to more then a handful of people, and are so damn self centered and egocentric that it is sad... So here is mine.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

FLOYD!


Alright! Hill-Billy Nascar Floyd one Paris Nice. Now we just gotta make sure he don't peak too soon, or we'll be high n' dry at the track, y'here?

Cool. Floyd will never wear his Pro-Tour Jersey, but he's still the leader and that's a fact, Jack!

His next appearance will be at The Giro, and it's all about tweaking for the Tour, so we will see how that goes.

I think it is gonna be interesting now that Lance is gone that focusing on the Tour has so Many contenders doing the Giro. How fast they shift gears. They have never done this if they wanted to win while Tex was racing, but if Tex was racing, they'd look dumb no matter what they did.

I've gotten some comments that some people can't follow the bike stuff, so let me know where your head is at. There is plenty of shit out there, we just need some direction.

Topics:
Fall of the Empire
Bush-Gate (too many fuck-up's, so lets's make that a broad catagory)
Iran
China
Walmart
Outsourcing
Immigration. Who are we kidding, let's call a Duck a duck. Mexican Invasion.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Weekend Wrap-up



Yeah, it's Tuesday, so what. Want more frequent posts? Do it yourself.

So, CSC is doing a fine job, blah, blah blah... Boonen gets his 9th win of the season, and I suck.

Beautiful weather this weekend and My dog plants his Anvil sized (ACME Brand) head into my kneecap on Saturday night. I went out for about 30 miles, but it was a spinning crawl. Seems much better now, but that just means something else will get sprained, bruised, banged, or generally busted. I can tell cause it's supposed to be 80 for the first time Sat and Sun.

Boonen has more wins in the Rainbow Stripes so Far this season then all of the last 5 (at least) World Champions had ALL SEASON in the jersey.

Bobby J. is claiming he has no intent or plan coming into P-N. I call that B-S, but we'll see. Landis the Mantis will knock him and his whole team on their ass in the next few stages.

We'll see. Ok, busy, busy..... Back later.

Friday, March 03, 2006

José Ivan Gutierrez is the "Illest Ballers"


Jose took over the lead today with a nice win in stage three of the Vuelta a Murcia.

Their new jersey's came out a while ago, and a guy that comes into the shop, but is not a geek roadie (though he's fast like Flash) said the funniest thing. He's looking at the jersey and droolin' about how cool it is, and on and on. We're all like, "What are you talking about? What team?"

"This team. These guys are all Gangsta, they are the 'Illest Ballers' on the road..."

Fuck you. It's my blog and I think it's hilarious. I got a new jersey a few weeks ago. I got the new Drunk Cyclist Jersey. Very Nice. Sport Cut and Belgium Colors honoring Tommy B. or 'World Champ' to you.

It should be interesting this year. Zabel needs to work on dramatic breaks or support Ale Jet. Ale Jet needs a perfect Leadout 90% of the time or he's worthless (to be fair, he gets a perfect leadout 90% of the time) and Tommy B. is gonna be showing his heel-cups to whomever he wants whenever he wants.

I hope there is room in all this mess for the boys at Disco to have a good year. I'm glad Lance is gone, now these guys can get some attention they deserve instead of just working for July every year.

This link is pretty offensive, so I'll end with this... HERE. It's offensive, but not to me, and truer words have not been spoken. Remember, if there was no reason for it, it couldn't be a stereotype...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Cha Cha Cha, She's a Hotty.


Great. I'm a blog for like one day and I have a nemesis. WTF. I put his link in my links. He put mine in his. It's like we're dating. We will see where it goes.

Team Nerac/Outdoorlights.com had it's presentation the other day. You can find this full size pic HERE. It's a Pegoretti LOVE #3, and if you have any taste at all, you just got aroused.

Jack Bauer has yet to get back to me on the secret identity thing, and I think that the man formerly known as Polly Prissy Pants is gonna be the Muffin Man. I'll save PPP for someone else. I like to tell him he's a fat bastard, which I can do because so am I right now, so it's settled. Muffin Man is in, JB is on hold NERAC/Outdoorlights.com is hot and I'm dying a slow miserable death from allergies. Fucking pollen.

More Characters...


There are more characters to be introduced before the stories start, I'm still deciding on alias' for a few key players.

My pal should be Jack Bauer. That would be my choice. He'll probably wanna be that, cept that that would be lame. Yeah. Jack Bauer (the real Jack Bauer) is gonna fucking kill me now 'cause I used the word lame in the same sentence as his name.

I'll send him an email, see if he'll comment, pick his own name.

There may be another character named Polly Prissy Pants, but I'm pretty sure he'd get upset, so I'll get back to you on that too.

In the meantime, I have some homework for you. Tell me, in all honesty that the grainy pictures of the terrorist that held our peeps in Iran is not the spit-fucking image of there current president and then explain why it's ok that we don't pursue his ass with smart bombs after we smartbombed the bad guy we had locked in a box between parrallels and lost the guy attached to a dialysis machine in the Mountains? 7 to 10 pages, double spaced. Thanks.

Code Name: Liberty

Quick intro to Liberty.

Liberty is my older brother that will probably blush knowing I'm writing about him, but he's a great guy. Always has my best interests in mind. (We think he's adopted, cause he's kind of smart and normal)

Seriously though, we're wired pretty much the same. I got a bad Logic Chip, and an out of date processor, but other then that we like the same stuff, have a lot in common and get along like pigs in mud.

Liberty knows Jack Bauer. Liberty knows to Respect Jack Bauer.

Bits of wisdom I recieved from Liberty today:


Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.
His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What a shock.

What a shock, I opened a Blog. I think we all knew it would happen at some point.

It's like dropping eggs on concrete. You hold the egg up high, you anticipate the sound, you release. All just to hear that splat-like thud as the shell cracking is muffled by the wasted goodness that could have been on the breakfast plate with bacon.

It's nothing like that. That's one of the most long-winded bullshit analogies I've ever heard. Usually I'm at least on the mark..... remotely. Whatever and fuck this.

Alright, here is the deal. My memory is for shit. Really. In my group of friends people have Super-Powers. One guy's is being annoying, another's is that he can't draw.... Mine is getting hit in the head. So I want to record things before I forget them. Here is how it's gonna work. Occaisionally, I am going to tell stories on this Blog. I promise that they are all true. I will however add the caveat that I will be changing names of all of my friends so that they are only identifiable to them, most locations will be vague for the same reason, and I will tell everystory as if it happened yesterday. I will be consistent in character names, so if you are sort of fucked up and want to grow attached to the characters as things progress, well, there you go. Lastly, and just so you know, if, by chance, you think, in your head, that I am using too many comma's, Fuck You.

Other things I will be doing on this lame ass blog is talking about Cycling, bicycles, movies, and that's pretty much it. If I wanna talk about something else, I will, because, as you know, from reading ealrier in the Blog.... Fuck you.